Saving the Newspaper business

Toilet paper
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With apologies to Scott Karp.

I hereby announce the first major aggregator of legacy newsprint style reporting for the 21st century, “ReadWipeWeb.com” the first newspaper printed on 100% recycled toilet tissue packaged on a 1000ft. long, 24″ wide roll. Read, then wipe. The content will also be available on the web – get it?

Each 10 year subscription will also include, as our gift to you for subscribing, a 27″ Apple iMac of 2009 vintage, to be used as an a Kindle style reader. That’s right, a specialty modified Macintosh all in one computer on a wheeled hand truck with self-contained fuel-cell power (butane gas-powered fuel cells really exist). An honest to goodness TSA waiver is included. An attractive hinged cover is included, making your new e-book reader look very similar to an oversized Surface tablet. I know that Sony now makes  a 19 inch Android tablet , so this is my contribution to the product matrix.

 

So, !000FT of toilet paper roll printed with Web Finance and Deals news from the Valley, and a 2009 Vintage iMac 27 i7 converted to a e-book reader, powered by a Butane Fuel Cell. you want a 4G Portable WiFi Hotspot? Go buy one, ya big dummies!

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The new BigTouch by Apple

A reporter hold...
Image by Getty Images via Daylife
This image is a candidate for speedy deletion....Image via Wikipedia

I was briefly quoted in Guy Kewney‘s wireless blog. It was a good catch, as I have zero profile as a blogger – like we are talking Z List. Anyhow, I had dropped a bit of personal inside info on a potential Apple product from a seemingly credible source. Guy correctly pointed out that if I believed the rumor, I would have blogged it.

Hmmm. The tip concerned the rampant speculation of an impending Apple tablet. The source was one of Apple’s in-house IP line attorneys. A line attorney is a lower level person for filing and doing the drudge work of licensing, creating contracts, and dealing with USPTO (some have engineering and law degrees, like this gent). He was not a friend of mine, he was a young man that owned me a big favor. I had bailed him out of the San Jose lockup when he got pinched for D&D, indecent exposure (public urination), and resisting arrest. This happened in Feb 2007. I am sure that if he reads this, despite my not revealing his identity, he will be chagrined. Burn that bridge. Sorry dude, when you go out partying, behave.

The young man had previously met me in Cupertino, where I had commented in the parking lot on his maxi-scooter (a Suzuki Burgman), and he on mine ( an Aprilia Scarabeo 500), we talked about Apple, scooters, jobs (I was there pitching myself as a contractor), and his (Low-Level IP lawyer). I gave him my card. Done.

Nice looking young man, thirties, presentable. Figured I would never hear from him again, professionally. Continue reading